Death · by · Chocolate

i don't know where to start.
you said it seems like i am mad at you.
in a way i am.
but not like mad mad or anything. and not at you per say.
just a little jealous and upset.
I hate my sleep schedule as much as i hate yours.
and i'm not really with robert that much since he has been working so much lately.

i don't know what to tell you.
i call and txt you, and i know you are sleeping but that is when i am available.
i don't like it, but i go to sleep rather early now a days.
i miss you.
i have no friends anymore.
i have no time for friends anymore and i hate it.
these past two weeks have been extremely busy with
work fucking with my hours and finals for school.
i have two weeks off of school but thats it.
it just sucks because i cant see anyone or do anything anymore.
i see robert for maybe an hour or two every other day.

i'm lonely but this work schedule allows me to have no life, social or anything.

i don't know what to tell you.
i'm not mad at you or anything, i'm made at the situation that im in right now.
but i'm only going to be working these hours till christmas, hopefully.

but here's the thing, i guess i'm a little upset because i'll txt you and you wont reply and then a couple hours later i see on facebook
that you are hanging out with someone else. i mean you aren't mine or anything and you are entitled to your own group of friends.
i just hate that i haven't hung out with you, erika, justine, anyone....

I hate that you hate your life hillary.
but i hate that i can never get a hold of you.
i hate that i have only three friends and two have babies.
i hate that today is my first day back from michigan and i have no one to hang out with.
i hate that today it is sunny and no rain and i have no one to go to the beach with.
i hate a lot of things.
i hate how i expect to get off work at 10am everyday knowing i'll never make it out on time.
i hate how carrie expects me to stay late everyday.
i hate how bcc wont answer the phone.
i hate how i haven't seen robert in 8 days and still wot see him for another 2.
i hate how although im in a relationship i feel lonelier than i have before.
i hate how i never have money when  spend half of my time working.
i hate how much shit i have to do for money for school.
i hate everything today.

which is the worse part. because i just spent a week in michiga hating my life,waiting to come home. and now i'm home.
and have nothing to do. no one to talk to.

michigan was a bust. the car ride there i started to get excited about this vacation, but after the second day of driving i was bored. we drove over 24 hours and i didn't get to drive once. really? i know i've only been drive for 5 years but still, i have driven across country before. okay well then we got there, and went to visit mom's family. i hated it because i knew no one. and then mom and grandma drove me over to meet my dad. and he wasn't there, even though i had just called him. he was at the bar. wow dad. cool. anyway i spent two days with my dad at the family house in fostoria out in the field. they were having some big campout field day 4th of july thing. i was told that a lot of family would be there. so i was a little excited to see them. but only two family memebers showed up, besides my dad and pam and grandma and suzzie. so whatever. well the second day i was there was the third and that's when everyone started coming. no one really stayed though. they ate and drank and then left. cool. that night the family did fireworks. they were amazing, the biggest firework i have ever seen. but before that i was just sitting in my chair, with everyone walking around having fun, talking and catching up. i was pissed. and bored out of my mind. so i called mom, oh yeah i forgot i had like no service the whole time i was in michigan so i couldn't even call or txt robert, and when i could it was like an hour delayed. but yeah i called mom just to see if she was picking me up the next day, and i started getting upset and crying. I really don't know why, but I was just tired, upset, pissed, bored, and a little tipsy. whatever. the reset of the vacation was spent with my mother's family. they pretty much are all overweight and homely looking. no one had AC and it was hot as hell, in michigan. anyway, i hated the whole damned trip, almost every second of it. and i was so fucking happy to get home and do nothing and everything that i usually do. well no. its a beautiful day and i just got paid, and i have no one to do anything with, and roberts working all night. fmgdl. I hate this shit. what a great homecoming. whatever. i'm tired of being pissed.

sunday night the eleventh,was, in short a fantastic night.
i had  date with the handsome mr. robert brown.
let me start from the beginning.
I went and got my hair done last tuesday, my birthday
and while i was there,tara, my stylist was trying to set me
up with this kid named robert.
hillary was there and asked if it was robert brown, it was.
tara spent the next hour talking him up to me.
well i didn't think anything of it.
robert i believed wasn't my type.
and i knew him from high school, but we never talked then.
anyways a few days later he started talking to me on facebook.
blah blah blah, and we exchanged phone numbers.

we had planned to "hang out" on the following sunday, the eleventh.
i had mixed feelings, first i was all stokkedd because i've been completely and utterly single
for ever, but then i was neverous because i didn't remeber if
i was mean to him in high school.
okay long story short.
he picked me up from my house, we ended up going to orlando on a whim
we ate at sweet tomatoes i think that what its called.
and then played putt putt golf.
i lost of course.

but the point is. i never thought he was like he is. nice, genuine and all that other shit.
yeah hes gay, and i mean gay, but hes still very gentleman-like.
anyway it was perfect. and the only real date i've ever enjoyed fully.
but we hate a date planned for tomorrow night.

shit really does happen.